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Writer's pictureMango Fandango

Week 7 Power Rankings

Updated: Feb 17, 2020

QMLS XI hit fever-pitch this week as we saw some heavyweight encounters that gave few answers away. The Golden Eternals look odds-on to secure a last 4 spot, but results - and the weather conditions - have shown unpredictability. The race is red-hot as we hit the penaultimate week of the regular season.


1. Bognor Bograts (Last Week =1) Won 3-1 vs Ecukhemrical Matters

Bograts took a big step toward the Divisional title after a sensational second half against the Khemri. The Khemri cheerleaders Bony M may have put put on an extravagant show to inspire Eugene Nix to lead Matters to a half-time 1-0 lead, but the classics wore gratingly thin as the rats shone in the second half snow.

Two heads are better than 1 as the rats ran riot in the second half.
Two heads are better than 1 as the rats ran riot in the second half.

2. Hashutites (=2) Won 1-0 vs OrcaLoca

The Chorfs survived a stern test from the greenskins and booked their place into the semi-finals with the slenderest hope of still winning the Divisional Title. They will need to up their game after a sense of complacency in the scorching heat crept in after the winter break. They face the resurgent Metal Heads without a key Bull centaur - interesting times ahead!

Claw is thing against Orcish armour.
Claw is thing against Orcish armour.

3. LT's Metal Heads (6) Won 2-1 vs Darklands Resurrected

Metal Heads won an epic encounter against their undead play-off contenders. Both sides traded blows and the humans made their hits count with removals of key players to create space against their depleted foes.


A play of the highest standard in the rain - against the clock - ensured all 3 points to strengthen their grip on the play-off race. The coach has a keen eye for the improbable, and if form continues the Metal Heads will be hard to beat.

4. Golden Eternals of Chaqua (4) Won 2-0 vs Spikerøg Draaks

The blue-skinned, cold-blooded Chaquans took a huge step towards a play berth as touchdowns in each half saw off the luckless mercenary Norsemen in unfamiliar blizzardy conditions. The Eternals, however, did not need to hit top gear as they cruised over the ice-rink to solidify their position as premier play-off candidates.


5. Darklands Resurrected (3) Lost 2-1 vs LT's Metal Heads

Darklands virtually had their undead hearts staked in an enthralling match that saw them lose from a place of relative security. The elements, the blitz, the positioning all pointed to at least securing a worthy draw.


But the Humans contrived to execute a move that the Resurrected could only watch as statues. The road to the play-offs is now much harder!

The early loss of a Mummy meant the Undead lost much pitch control.
The early loss of a Mummy meant the Undead lost much pitch control.

6. EcuKhemrical Matters (5) Lost 1-3 vs Bognor Bograts

We saw the best and the worst of what Khemri had to offer. When the ribbed cage starts rolling, the juggernaught offense is unstoppable, but the slightest whiff of a gap and they're susceptible to conceding a TD. A major threat nonetheless to the teams above them - but can they come back after 3 consecutive defeats?


When the Khemri get their Ribbed Cage going, defences just have to tough is out.
When the Khemri get their Ribbed Cage going, defences just have to tough is out.

7. Underearth Assassins (8) Won 4-1 vs Trololololol

New blitzer, Tallin, had a game to remember with a thunderous one-elf highlight reel, and will be one to watch out for! A professional showing from the Dark Elves kept their faint hopes of a play-off spot alive as they dispatched debutantes, Trolololololol, with efficiency. The Assassins were only the second team in QMLS history to record 4 TDs in one game, after the Bognor Bograts.


8. Spikerøg Draaks (7) Lost 0-2 vs Golden Eternals of Chaqua

Spectators were perplexed as they watched the comedically luckless motley crew of mercenaries and mauled berserkers ice-skate to obscurity in the blizzard; their hopes for the play-offs slipping to near oblivion in the unnerving Northern conditions.


But after the game cries of foul play were bounded about by the Draaks who found that their footwear had traces of polishing wax on their soles. Though the Chaquans turned down the claims with their hordes of cleaners found devouring an entire stash of Norse horse burgers, which apparently got the thumbs up all round.


9. OrcaLoca (10) Lost 0-1 vs Hashutites

The orcs played with a sense of pride that had the greenskins fans applauding them off the field. It's 3 shutouts against the Hashutites in 3 outings but they were closest this time out.


Can the Orcs build on this dominant display for Season XII? They certainly have the weapons to threaten even the toughest of contenders.

10. Trololololololo (9) Lost 4-1 vs Underearth Assassins

They may have suffered a mauling on their way to Amarillo, but boy did the Ogres make an impression! With just seconds left on the clock, titchy snotling Blottie Krankzahn scented the waft of Garlic Bread from the stands and, with ball in hand,was launched deep into Assassins territory to run in a surprise touchdown. Trolololololo had scored the first ever one-turn TD in QMLS history!


Results:


Bognor Bograts 3 (LeBron Jambons, Snablutch Slobber, HeadLyce Creep)

vs Ecukhemrical Matters 1 (Eugene Nix)

Riska's MVP: Chiqui Arsol's quick thinking at the start of the second half inspired his teammates into producing a stunning second half showing. The heartbeat of the comeback.


Underearth Assassins 4 (Hethmair, Tallin (2), Yreoth)

vs Trolololololol (Blottie Krankzahn) 1

Mango's Valuable Player: With 2 touchdowns, 1 pass, 2 passes received, 1 casualty and 2 KO's, Tallin had a debut game to remember for the Assassins.


Golden Eternals of Chaqua 2 (Oatlgorit-tlu, Oatluax du Lac)

vs Spikerøg Draaks 0

Mango's Valuable Player: The Ice Rink is surprised everyone by hindering tundra-adapted Norse whilst enhancing the jungle-dwellers of Lustria. Certainly a turn-up for the books.


LT's Metal Heads 2 (Melvins, Palms)

vs Darklands Resurrected 1 (Marrowravager)

Riska's MVP: The irrepressible Palms' athleticism single-handedly won the Metal Heads this crunch game.


Hashutites 1 ( Ögedei )

vs OrcaLoca 0

Riska's MVP: Ögedei kept his head cool with everything chaotic about him. Abandoned by the dwarfs to his own devices, the talented slave showed guile to slip in with the winner late in the first half.

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