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Writer's pictureMango Fandango

Brilliant Bognor Shine In Record Win Over Darklands Resurrected

Bognor Bograts 4

Snablutch Slobber, Head-Lyce Creep, Gruff Rhiyz-Jones (2)

Darklands Resurrected 1

Corpse Muncher


An explosive first half by season IX finalists, Bograts, virtually ended their opening encounter within six turns to cement their place as one of the pre-season favourites.

Gruff Rhiyz-Jones taunts the Darklands with his TD celebration.
Gruff Rhiyz-Jones taunts the Darklands with his TD celebration.

Controversy surrounding the new QMLS Charter for Fair Play (CFP) threatened to derail the start of the campaign, but the rats put on a show to forget the pre-season woes and entertain the home support. Darklands Resurrected suffered bouts of fumblitis, that was characteristic in life and seem to plague them in death, with Wight débutante (and former Human Thrower) Helmut the Orator most culpable.

Rogre Breaknut crushing the line of scrimmage.
Rogre Breaknut crushing the line of scrimmage.

Early exchanges were bloody, with the rodents suffering 3 casualties and 1 death inside 3 turns. Knowing that they were down in numbers, the rodents swarmed to force defensive turnovers with the big hand of Head-Lyce Creep instrumental in picking all fumbled balls.


The first touchdown of the match was a result of some bravado amongst the gutter runners. Helmut the Orator, on his second attempt, grabbed the deep kick and brought the ball down the right flank but was hit with a thunderous strike by Rogre Breaknut, who forced the fumble. The Resurrection fans were stunned to silence when seeing Head-Lyce picking the marked ball and acutely lobbed over the head of Dagg the Mummy (formerly the Ogre in his previous life) into the clutches of the grateful Snablutch Slobber. There was no one to prevent the touchdown.

Alvin Du Brie became the first player to be resurrected mid-game in the QMLS.
Alvin Du Brie became the first player to be resurrected mid-game in the QMLS.

Eviscerated linerat, Alvin du Brie, swapped allegiance on kick-off as the necromancer resurrected his soul after a mighty blow on the line of scrimmage. The fleshing out of the Darkland’s squad was not enough to prevent the scurrying rats, with Head-Lyce scooping the ball from under the nose of Helmut and running in a simple second.


The third scored was in similar vein, as Gruff Rhiyz-Jones rushed to knock loose the ball from Helmut and steal for the Bognor’s third defensive takeaway.

Helmut's constant fumbles invited the gutter runners to run amok behind enemy lines.
Helmut's constant fumbles invited the gutter runners to run amok behind enemy lines.

Second half could not come soon enough, with the coaching staff looking in bewilderment seeing the old shambling bodies of last season’s humans suffering from gaming nerves!


The restart was a turn in fortune, with a defensive blitz for Darklands gaining traction in the opposition half, but a quick shift to the right flank had the Bograts in position for a quick fourth. A fireball from the skies succeeded in knocking out a gutter runner and forcing the ball loose, but it would prove to be a delay to an inevitable run into the end zone for Gruff’s second – a fine reward for his performance.

A fireball brought memories of the end of Season IX and the death of the original Darklands.
A fireball brought memories of the end of Season IX and the death of the original Darklands.

It was not until conceding the 4th touchdown did Darklands Resurrected show their potential as they forged a frightening cage that rolled down the pitch with impressive positioning. The Bograts were hunting for more, but every attack was repelled with ghoul, Corpse Muncher, scoring a last-minute consolation to raise a smile to the away fans.

Corpse Muncher releases his anger on scoring his last-minute consolation.
Corpse Muncher releases his anger on scoring his last-minute consolation.

The journey to the Championship final is a long one, but this resounding victory will reverberate in the league. The Bognor Bograts equalled a 30 year record by scoring 4 TDs in one match and the 5 TDs scored tonight also equalled the highest scoring game since the inception of the MiddleLands Superleague. As for the Resurrection, they earned a fresh recruit and a first touchdown to raise morale.


Week 2 promises to be a footrace to be remembered as the Bognor Bograts chase the skinks of the Golden Eternals of Chaqua, whilst the Darklands Resurrection measure up to Amazone Prime.


Mango's Valuable Player: Gruff Rhiyz-Jones stood out from the gutter runners contributing 2TDs, a catch and a sack to set a strong platform for Bognor Bograts to win their opening game.

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